What is to come?

So turns out I wasn't in too good a spirit after A level results revealing. I just got back from a Bintan camp 2 days ago. But before I get to that, time for me to reveal my shitty results (shitty by my own standards anyways):

H2 Math: B
H2 Chem: B
H2 Bio: B

H1 GP: B
H1 Lit: A
Rank Points: 80

I've been tryna reason it out. I believe it's all part of His ultimate plan to make me learn and be willing to lose. Up till now, after my 19 years of life, I can truthfully say I have not learnt to accept losing. Even though I come up with trite lessons for the kids I lecture and teach - that winning isn't everything, I still think losing out to my own expectations is a very very bad thing. Like the world will come crumbling down on me while some appropraite disastrous background music plays. (hahah im melodramatic like that)
So right now, my crisis? Where the heck can I apply to (and be accepted) in university? I cannot apply for UK universities anymore, until next year that is. So, forensic's out. (I'm willing to take a gap year but my parents just wouldn't want that) In Singapore, I would totally not consider NTU because of the bleak environment (though, I think i'll still apply anyway - beggars can't be choosers). Then again, NUS courses are tough to get in with my results. -shrugs-
I only have less than 20 days to make a decision, so imagine the amount of stress I'm feeling now that I don't even know what would interest me in Singapore. It really is a boring place to venture for studying....really.

Bintan Campppppppppppppp
Lookie here at the First Aider that fronted nearly 20 casualties in a 3D2N camp at Bintan! 10 of them whom were fever kids. Hope my lil patients had a wonderful time being nagged at and worried about by their dear first aider :3 Hahaha in those 3 days that we spent in that little resort room (meant as a sick bay), we bonded. Though pretty vexed initially, I'm pretty happy I was staying in with them.
 Then again, being in Bintan, stuck in that room.........WHO WOULD WANT THAT? srsly.

Anyway, I'm feeling the blues today. Should totally get some Koi and air. 

The song before the end.

A level results tomorrow. And im just abt sane enough only to post this. If i still am sane tmr, i'll do some....heart relieving here.

This song speaks to me a lot by the way

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Grateful

Hi, it's been long since my last post with a lame poem :P
Fret not, I shan't discriminate literature with my sloppy pieces of work ever again.

I finally passed my RTT (Riding Theory Test - meant for people who wish to apply for motorbike license) and tomorrow will be the first time I'm actually riding. I'm pretty excited about it :-D I just hope I won't be too swamped for it.

I also got my pay already and it's a pretty handsome sum! Hehehe looks like my busy and heavy schedule has paid off, literally! And I also attended the Airshow 2012, so there's more moolah for me, as well as the newly-made friends I adopted during the line of work. Unforgettable, really :) Just reminds me to work harder so I never have to return to the industry of F&B (Food & Beverage). Just as well as it does to my brother.
In some ways, I'm quite thankful I'm not that slim. If not, I'd have the excuse to buy all the nice clothes I see :P then all my savings would just go down the drain simply cuz I can fit into every piece of clothing I try, heheh - there's positive thinking for you from me!

I am quite excited for the fact that I'm making my way up the ladder in CCI! +having many friends surrounded by me while working is never a downside! I've been out of touch with my road biking groupie :( More than 5 weeks of no riding. I have undoubtedly fallen back into the unfit category, sigh. Then again, I'm not just going to laze around and complain about it on this parched blog of mine. I'm actually gonna do something about it. Mark my words :-)

Ok, for now, me has to go off.
(psssst, I might be venturing into a little journalism. A blog as well, but nothing about my personal life. So that should be fun? I'd wna start out and see how it goes because I'm considering to take it up when I go to the university. Hehehe a never-ending array of choices I have.)

Perpetual recurrence

If nothing comes out of this,
would it be worth using my fist?
After all that's taught,
and yet the situation still so hot,
Can you stand to say that I had not fought?
What then might I say
about your swaying dismay,
If I never had any play
in your decision to look away?
By sknhshot

Woke up, got changed, cycled, reached Lau Pa Sat, talked lil bro out of feeling bad, headed to the merlion, took pictures, acted like tourists, cycled back, tiny tower-ed, tweeted, facebooked, appreciated the photo uploaded, slept, woke up, yelled at bro to pick up youngest bro, slept, woke up, hunger settled in, rain beated down on the panes, whatsapped, texted bestfr, contemplated shopping alone, dismissed "alone", dismissed whole idea of going out, looked out the window, showered, watched videos, composed a poem, and here i am.

I honestly just miss being a teenage girl, not caring that the guy I was dating was an insolent and immature being, just wanting the sweet words he conjured at the tip of his tongue. Waiting on texts that whispered sweet nothings to my retinas, so the cerebrum may cause me to feel sweet sweet satisfaction for ever saying "yes" to the guy. It was that simple. How did commitment issues  get in the way, I wonder? That's the downside of being a girl. Worry. We worry too much. We know it oh too well, but we never get tired of replaying the same 'ole "why'd you look her way?!" or "why'd you pick up her books?", not even thinking that he might've just been acquainted with the other girl, or that he was just a nice chap being the gentleman that we fell for.
Ha, what nonsense am I spouting now? It's the rain. It does this to me. The wall of rain gives me a cocoon to think out unimaginable things. But, it gives me peace. I didn't even need to switch the radio or television on to keep me occupied. I was cooped up in my world of thinking.
Oh how I've missed just blogging like this. A whole stream of nonsense only I will unerstand. And when I read back on these, I will laugh the most hearty laugh, thinking how I silly I was. Though to be utterly honest, I feel like the most damned wise arse around in town. hahaha for some reason :)
I will never be deciphered, and I guess that's why I still do not have any significant other like those around me. I am not stunning, neither am I the girl next door you'd love to meet.

I am anything but wanted.

At the losing end.

Days have gotten pretty hectic for me, but I ain't complaining.

CCI has occupied most of my schedule, and I'm pretty happy with it. I want even more projects because honestly, I'm just tryna hide from my insecurities. There's still 2 months before my 'A' level results are released. And everytime I am left alone quietly, doing nothing...I can't help but think what a big failure I'll most likely become. But ah! I'll save that for another day.

Today I had my first girly outing (thou impromptu) with Pamela and Atikah since after O levels. It was mainly us shopping at Jurong Point and trying on dresses. Ha had chit chat about work over dinner @ Fig & Olive. All this made me realise how much I miss Dionne's company. I don't wna be sounding all mushy, but...she IS my bestfriend. And it sucks that I don't get to see her as often as I used to when we were still studying in secondary school.

Also, I've been gaining more and more weight. It doesn't help at all that I bumped into my ex today on the bus. Awkward, really. Luckily Atikah was there with me. She sorta distracted me from the whole situation? Or else, I would've just had my esteem plummeting to ground zero.....wait, it's already beyond ground zero. Oh well. And the insults just keep coming; in the form of jokes, genuine insults and just plain insensitive remarks. I want a change, but I can't seem to be getting myself to fulfil it.

Chinese New Year's about to come, and I should get started on shopping for new clothes as well as to get my personal helmet & gloves for riding, no?